The Beauty Within Us All

"Let it be known within each and everyone human being, there resides an essence of beauty that has the ability to resonate throughout all the world. The question each one must ask, is, ""Am I willing to believe such a statement?"" Upon answering, we can unlock even the most seemingly loathsome person's potential for loving one's self, and consequently, loving the world around them."

-Anonymous

All throughout my life, I hated everything about me. I hated my weight, my looks, my inability to make friends, my attention seeking behavior, not being talented at certain things. I hated so much of myself because I was ran by what I thought were other people's expectations.

I craved the approval of others. I thought that if other people approved of me, it meant I was important. It meant that someone cared about me, and that I was not as insignificant as I felt.

The feeling of insignificance breeds a great many side effects. The ego for starters. But even prior to the ego, comes fears. It's my personal belief that the smaller inner security, self-happiness, self-esteem, the bigger the ego becomes. From the small self-esteem and growth of the ego, comes the fear. Fear of rejection, of not being perfect, not being loved, not finding true acceptance, the list could, and does, go on and on. So our defenses start to take effect. Personally, I was the tough guy, the smooth guy, the clown, the thrill seeker, drug user, party animal, and much much more at any given time. I wore so many masks to cover my insecurity.

The question of where this feeling of insignificance comes from is very difficult. I wish I knew. I know for myself, where it came from. But it really took hard work to understand how it came about. And complete and utter honesty, but that could be a completely different topic in itself. But from that feeling came most of my problems and effected very deeply my actions every day of my life. I lived for other people's acceptance, whether productive or destructive, it amounts to the same thing; unhappiness.

At the root of this came my belief that I was not good enough for any one around me. I felt I had nothing good or beneficial to offer the world, and I wanted to hide my real self away. I wanted to protect what little self-esteem I had left.

Then something happened. Somewhat suddenly, but I guess I would have to say my life had been leading up to it since I was born; I realized (through the help of many wonderful mentors) that I have something wonderful to offer the world. I realized no matter my fears, no matter what I thought I had done to people, I had the ability to make a change. I had the ability to love and help those around me. Maybe I would even be able to show someone that they weren't completely worthless. I knew what that felt like, and it made me into a hurtful, hateful person.

I became willing to believe that there is a part of me that can be beautiful. And everyday since I accepted that there was that possibility, I've been able to increase my usefulness to others. I've been not only able to feel accepted, but something even better; I've been able to derive my sense of satisfaction and self worth from myself. I need no one to validate me. No material object can bring a smile to my face like the smile that comes from accomplishing my own goal. Or showing someone that I care.

It's almost inexplicable. And there are so many different variables that go into the ability to unlock the true beauty within each person. I have trouble with bringing my own to the surface everyday. I decide that I want to live to the expectations of others, I take back my fear of rejection. I live according to how I think other people want me to. It is so straining to live that way and it causes complete and utter hopelessness and despair within me.

The true beauty within us all. I wish all could know it and feel it. It is so real. It might be a utopian thought, but, I believe that if we all found it, the world would be much more sane and loving. That's just what I believe. I hope you can find it. You deserve it :)